To all the boys who don’t understand PMS and girls’ moods
Feb 17, 2021. 48/365 days of Daily Writing Practice + life lessons journal of sorts. I’m committing to writing ~100-word article daily. Short or long-form. Ugly or brilliant. The objective is to write daily for 15 mins without fail, even when life happens.
If you haven’t been curious enough to research why girls have mood swings and their relation to the monthly cycle, let me give you a quick round-up.
Womanhood undergoes a monthly cycle. To simplify, let’s divide it into 4 phases:
- Menstrual Phase — this is that part people tease girls about being cranky because she has her period.
Or the part you might feel embarrassed when the women in your family or friends ask you to get them a pad (if you’re not ashamed, pat on your back, you’re growing up to be an admirable person).
Biologically, 3–7 days of bleeding happens. Why? Because the uterus decided to shed off the baby’s house it prepared for the assumed pregnancy that didn’t happen. If you’re building a house, it’s like a complete demolition so you can build a new house with a clean slate, a fresh canvas, a clear lot.
Why are girls being difficult during this time, you ask?
It’s not that they want to. It’s just that they’re feeling so fatigued themselves. They literally don’t have the energy for anything. Estrogen is low, and this hormonal change causes low energy and fatigue.
Hormones are still in chaos at this phase because of all the demolition happening. Serotonin, which helps regulate mood, sleep cycle, and appetite, is also influenced by estrogen and progesterone levels. The drop in estrogen drops serotonin, which causes irritability, sadness, disturbed sleep cycle, and cravings. The usually perky person is just out of it, so you say, “what’s wrong with her?”
2. Follicular Phase — after the period, you can say the girl is back to being the normal self. She’s fun to be with. She looks pretty. Just about everything you like about the girl, happens at this time.
After the demolition, the contractors can now start to build the house for the baby again assuming the girl gets pregnant.
To do that, the body needs to increase the estrogen to start building the foundation of the house. It’s cementing the floor/ the wall, even painting the room. At the same time that there’s construction, the ovary is preparing the candidate eggs that are going to the finals.
With estrogen up, she’s full of energy, she’s attractive, she’s empowered, she’s hot. She smells great. The body is preparing her to mate.
The first time you saw your crush, she’s probably in this phase. She’s irresistible.
3. Ovulation Phase — winning egg jumps out of the girl’s ovary ready to meet a sperm; for 24 hours, it’s like game 7 of the NBA finals. It’s now or never. The girl’s in the best shape, ready to bag the championship! All the best kinds of hormones that make her feel great, empowered, covetable are at a peak! Your girl can do anything. If you watch How to Get Away with Murder, Annalise Keating, on his best days in court, she must be ovulating. Your girl’s unstoppable.
4. Luteal Phase — your girl didn’t win the championship. She didn’t get the ring. No sperm came to hitch the egg and the brain knows it. It starts to signal everyone to abort the celebration, return the champagne, pack up the venue and the coach’s final words were, “good effort, try again! Prepare for the next season!”
In the reproductive talk, prepare for the follicular phase again.
The estrogen was initially high since its role is to thicken the uterine lining to house the baby.
The progesterone, which was supposed to keep the pregnancy was up, as well.
But no sperm came, pregnancy didn’t happen. Estrogen and progesterone levels are one time up and then plummets. So many hormonal changes at this phase.
The energy is dipping; your girl’s mood is swinging; there’s internal chaos happening in the body. She’s feeling sluggish from all the hormone levels changing.
This is the beginning of premenstrual syndrome.
With estrogen and progesterone levels down, serotonin is going down. Serotonin regulating mood, sleep cycle, cravings are out of usual order. So yes, she’s cranky, she’s not in a mood, she’s easily irritable, she wants food, and then not. She’s being difficult as humans like to tell her.
This luteal phase lasts for 14 days, that’s 2 weeks of feeling tired and internally chaotic!
So no, girls aren’t deliberately trying to be difficult. It’s just that if you’ve seen Inside Out, there’s that actively happening inside. Levers for hormones are being controlled, and mood depends on which is up or down.
Thank you guys for trying to understand this process for the ladies in your life. And with that, I hope there’ll be more understanding and compassion during these difficult days of our month.
So what do I suggest you do during the luteal phase:
1.Stay away or reduce your time with them as much as possible. Sometimes, there’s just nothing you can do right in our eyes because we’re just irritable for reasons I will attribute to low serotonin.
So to be sure, reduce exposure, if possible! :D
2. If not, then just avoid any argument. She doesn’t want that argument but the low serotonin just makes her a little out of self-control. So she engages her irritability, to her regret later on.
To be safe, stay quiet, or just let her win the argument. Don’t worry, she will realize she wasn’t right when she’s back to her reasonable self. Or if not, you can talk to her about it after her period when she’s feeling great about herself.
3. Lastly, just be supportive, available, and ready when she needs you.
She might need you to affirm that’s she’s not crazy, stupid, or incompetent and that she’s beautiful even if she doesn’t feel like it.
Okay, gentlemen, you can end reading here. Thank you for reading this far.
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For all the ladies, continue reading on.
I used to dread the luteal phase of my monthly cycle. It’s the time of the month when I don’t have the energy to be as productive as I like to. This phase is “blessed” with fatigue and brain fog. Blessed? Let’s get to that.
While my younger version dreads this phase for all the things I can’t do, for suddenly stunting my productivity, I have come to terms now that this is a time for resting, recovering, recentering.
I always make sure I’m at my most productive during the 2 weeks before this luteal phase. I try to get my priorities for the month done during those peak weeks. Once I hit the luteal phase, I know it’s like hands up on Master Chef. Time’s up.
It’s frustrating if you’re in the middle of a hustling month and your mind and body won’t cooperate. But as soon as I accept that this is my body in control, I adapt my activity according to my energy and focus levels.
That’s why I said this phase is blessed with fatigue and brain fog.
It means I’m forced to read the books I’ve been skipping on my calendar blocks. It means I give myself permission to do whatever she wants for the time being because forcing work productivity just doesn’t work so might as well do the things I love to do. So this is usually the time when side projects happen. I take more photos. I edit videos. I write more. I read more. I clean and organize the house. I spend more time with humans and dogs, and less on the machines. Or sometimes, dolce far niente. Just the art of doing nothing. And I don’t feel so guilty about it anymore.
At the times we don’t listen to our body, we force productivity with a high level of frustration and self-loathing for being lazy, procrastinating, and inefficient. We sabotage ourselves and force upon our psyche that our past successes were mere flukes, that we are impostors, that we really aren’t good as we came to believe.
But now that I’ve learned to listen to my body, I schedule my tasks around this fact of life. I schedule reading, learning, hobbies, things I’m passionate about during my projected luteal phase. To make up for the “lost time” out of work, I load all work priorities on the week I get my period because I know it’s going to be uphill and productivity from there.
If I haven’t stayed in tune with my body, I wouldn’t have allowed myself to give time for things I love to do because work tasks need to be done first before everything else below my Eisenhower matrix. I would only feel guilty if I “merely read” or learned classes online or organized the house instead of the meatier, income-generating work I need done.
Ladies, if you’ve been struggling with these mood swings, and days of unproductiveness, sluggishness, and consequently, self-sabotage, here are my suggestions:
- Take notes of the monthly cycle, the hormonal changes, how it translates to your body, and study the process.
Understanding what’s going on gives you answers for days you’re questioning your integrity as a useful citizen of the world.
2. Calendar the days of your cycle so you know or are reminded which part of the cycle you are already in.
This is how I have it in my calendar:
Day 1–2 (first day of the period)
- low estrogen = fatigue
- uterine contractions/cramps
Day 3–5 (period ends)
- estrogen increase = energy rises
- feel upbeat
+ power through it
Day 6–9
- testosterone up = on top of the game
- face looks symmetrical
- skin glows
- quick on your feet
+ good time to take initiative
Day 10–13
- estrogen peaks
- at sexiest and most fertile
- orgasms are most intense and attainable
- optimistic and social
+ get out there
Day 14
- ovulation
Day 15–18
- sudden hormone changes
- may intensify emotions and tiredness
+ stay home / away from people / read / tv time/ eat healthy, no oily, salty food
Day 19–22
- estrogen drops
- testosterone and progesterone surge
- excess oil = breakouts, sensitive skin
+ eat healthy
Day 23–25
- high progesterone = bloating; lower libido
- don’t feel like you have to do it all
- possible sluggishness
Day 26–28
- conquer PMS and boost serotonin
- ease breast soreness
+ exercise
+ cut down on caffeine
+ reduce sugar intake
+ stay hydrated
+ get ready for day 1
Day 3–14: window for productivity; execution
Day 15–2: take it slow; reading; learning; planning; be extra healthy; exercise + diet
With this, it’s clear if it’s day 1 or 14. I know what’s happening in my body during those days. What are the best activities to do given my internal biology?
3. Take note of day 1 of your period and plot accordingly.
With this, you’ll have an idea if you’re ovulating, which then cues you that the luteal phase is coming so prepare to be kinder to yourself. This way, you stop being mean to yourself when you can’t function as you’d like to.
4. Repeat this calendar entry every month.
In time, you’ll be more forgiving when PMS is overtaking your life. You know if it’s just your PMS-induced cravings or mood swings or you’re really deliberately choosing to become a bitch.
The bonus is that this process makes me avoid unnecessary confrontations or bitching. I know that I just need to shut up and take deep breaths and let the days go so I won’t have to react.
Here’s to getting to know our bodies and appreciating all that it can do for us. For honoring its processes and for knowing how to better treat ourselves — kinder and with more compassion.
And just like most in life, it’s all about perspective. See your PMS and period days not as dreadful, productivity-stunting inconveniences but as recentering opportunities. By then, you would’ve eliminated 2 weeks' worth of self-loathing. You would’ve taken some semblance of control during days when the hormones are taking over your life.
