(Don’t) Delete Toxic People in Your Life
Delete toxic people in your life, is how a lot of sayings go these days.
For good reason. And I agree.
But let me say this.
As someone who has been that toxic person, let’s not be too quick to delete people.
Toxic people are toxic for a reason. They didn’t deliberately decide one day that the role they’re going to take in society is the toxic one. Because that’s cool. It makes them a badass. No one.
They are toxic because something is going on, consciously or unconsciously. They may be able to point it out or they’re absolutely oblivious to their situation.
These people are in what we say, “the hard time”, “in the dark”, “going thru the dark side”, “on the deep end”.
They are toxic because they’re probably going through some sort of hell you know nothing about. But society said to keep going. Life goes on. Don’t wash your dirty laundry in public. So that’s what they’re trying to do. They’re keeping on. They’re moving forward even if, despite of, inspite of.
It isn’t hard to spot a toxic person. You know it by the way they act. You hear them by the way they talk. You feel it by the way they make you feel. They reek of vile. Darkness hovers their aura.
If you haven’t been that toxic person, good for you. But as someone who has been the toxic person, it’s not at all fun. It’s like a prison you can’t get out of. You go on living with a bad taste in your mouth. You want to break free but it just won’t come off. With every fiber of your being, everything feels off. You know what’s right but you keep doing wrong.
So I implore you. If you have the mental space to be there for a toxic person, be there until they get through. Walk with them. Be patient with them. Listen to them. Talk to them. Help process them. You might be the one they need to make it a little bit lighter and better; to believe that the dark nights shall end, too; that there’s hope for something better.
Share your light. Be their light. Or be dim with them together.
It’s not rocket science that if you’re in the dark, you need more light. Even a tiny flicker, a quick one, doesn’t matter how dim or bright. That tiny help can make the next step a little bit easier, a flicker bit more hopeful and possible, makes it a little less paralyzing or scary or a futile dead end.
If you don’t have the headspace for their toxicity, then by all means take a minute, get some space, leave them for now. But I hope you don’t just cut ties because they aren't the best version of themselves for now. We celebrate works in progress but somehow we don’t accept that being toxic is part of that process.
I hope we don’t all become fair-weather people. For your own mental health, yes, go ahead. Don’t burden yourself now. But let’s not be too quick to conclude toxic people are toxic forever. Some are just going through hell trying to make it out alive.
I know we need to be a little bit selfish, self-loving, self-caring sometimes. We need to fill our own cups. But if you can, help a toxic person out. You might just save a life.
